Everything is Epic

My sister sent me a link to her blog and indicated that she went on an epic trail run. The link is here: http://runeatdate.blogspot.com/2010/01/what-does-not-kill-you-makes-you.html

I clicked with trepidation as it seems all participants in endurance sports have become parrots lately. They blurt from their caged perches "Polly wants an epic" and "HTFU" and little else. Luckily my sister did engage in something epic and I had to take my eye-roll back, but there should be a panel of hardened, wizened and skeptical endurance athletes that will rule on your event's level of epicness; if any.

Sitting here from atop my throne of vocabularied accusations I remember my overuse of the word. I once wanted to engage in something called Kevvy's Epic Training Week in which I was to engage in all sorts of swimming, biking and running; all of the epic variety. All were welcome. It was epic in it's failure and participation. I haven't uttered the word seriously since.

The first time I noticed the word was in 1986 during a 300ZX car commercial. Here it is: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wHvm-dMUaFo "Germany...yeah. Now that would be epic." That is definitely the coolest use of the word ever.

A professor in college once went on and on about Homer's Iliad and Odyssey being among the first written epics. If you've ever attempted to read them you'll understand the word is being used properly in a double context as it serves as a noun and adjective.

Defining what is and isn't epic will be difficult and that is why I have appointed the panel. Don't think a 5k is capable of being epic? Not usually but if you ran it during a double-mega-hurricane while robot pit bulls chased you while you ran sub-seventeen minutes on a broken femur then you just might be allowed to say the next day at the water cooler that your Save The Homeless Dandelions 5k race was indeed epic but let's not get carried away. Doing an Olympic-distance tri in a slight drizzle isn't...well you know what it isn't.

Today I went on a mundane trail run in Mendon Ponds Park. I didn't need to HTFU and nothing about it was epic. I fought through the lack of epicness and still had fun.


"Why are we stopping? Are you tired already old man?"



Ordinary trail signs.

Your average hill.

Decent trail conditions.

"That's all you got? An hour? Kevin, your suckiness is epic!"

Screw Shoes

The title isn't a polemic against shodding your feet. I'm pro-shoe...used to be amateur-shoe but I've lost that status: shouldn't have taken those payments. I'll get into the nuts and bolts of some economical running shoe traction in a minute or two depending on your level of comprehension; the amount of your outside distractions; my ability to momentarily capture and imprison your attention.



After working all week in this raw and foul weather I developed quite a grudge against winter. A decree was uttered in Kitima's direction, "That's it! When I retire we are moving to D.C., Austin, TX, Bora Bora, Tahiti (the home of Tahitian Treat by the way) or Warmsville, California." Kitima greeted this proclamation as she does all of them without lifting her eyes (which I could hear rolling) from the computer and cheerfully saying, "Oh, okay." She must be thinking, "For crying out loud, what's he bellowing about now?"

I made up with the season this morning by running up Stid Hill. There were four inches of the white fluffy over a thin base of packed ice, leaves and stones. Snow globe precipitation was falling. Bristol Mountain's snow making machines were droning in the distance sounding like a formation of B-24 bombers.

No one had been on the trail so Scooby and I blazed up the seven switchbacks and hit the somewhat flatter trails on top. The snow pack increased and we were post holing quite a bit as we turned around and made our way back down. I fell twice; once after stepping on a baby's head-sized stone and once after a hibernating and well-hidden log took on my toe and summarily defeated it and everything else attached to it. This was the first time since my plantar fasciitis problem that I have been able to run over an hour.

Below is a look at the bottom of my screw shoes. Kitima was looking for better traction on the snow but didn't like Yaktrax or any other similar products so she crafted a pair of high-traction winter trainers using the tried-and-true method of affixing sheet metal screws to the bottom of her shoes. I followed suit and you'll see my handiwork below. I usually have 15 screws but spit one out on today's run.

We used 1/2" long hex-head sheet metal screws. You can't feel them while running and I've had no problems driving with them but I wouldn't try it if I were you...you don't drive so well. We bought a driver/bit for our electric drill and had at it. It is incredibly easy to do. A trained monkey could build a pair in several minutes if trained monkeys ever ran trails in the winter and needed traction and were too cheap for Yaktrax.

They work well on everything except asphalt and concrete so if you are on a trail that traverses a road be careful. They sound like tap dance shoes on the road so feel free to tap your little heart out and do those wild, gyrating moves with your arms and hands. You know the kind...think Fred and Ginger. For those of you who need a hint it is Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers not Fred Flintstone and Ginger from Gilligan's Island.